8 Essential Tips On How To Be A Classy Drunk


3. Drink Wine (just for appearances)

Some people may think that drinking wine will give you the illusion of being elegant or sophisticated. They are absolutely right. It does. You will look superior to all of the other boozers in the bar. They will think you are cultured and refined, incapable of becoming stupid or sloshed. They are obviously wrong about your character, but you are only going for appearances here, therefor creating this illusion is really all that matters.

If you really want to impress, just order something off of the wine menu that is hard to pronounce (perhaps something Italian or French?). Even if you don’t pronounce it correctly, if you say it with poise and confidence, they will only be able to assume that you did. Now, with that said, don’t forget tip#1: Unless you’re wearing dark clothing, order white wine. But, not Moscato. Please do not order Moscato.

8 Essential Tips On How To Be A Classy Drunk

4. Keep Your Words To A Minimum

If you do start to find yourself with that intoxicated feeling, chances
are, your brain-to-mouth filter is not functioning properly, so consider
keeping your words to a minimum. Also, only use words that you have used
frequently in the past; you should be able to say these words without as
much of a slur. Whatever you do, just don’t try to sound too smart. Use
phrases like “yes, please”, “excuse me” or “thank you” often. Your kindness
and charm will distract people from the fact that you’re hammered.

8 Essential Tips On How To Be A Classy Drunk

5. Only Pee In A Toilet

Although I didn’t mention this first, this is probably one of the more
important rules of being drunk: only pee in a toilet. Yes, you heard me.
Unless you are wearing an adult diaper (this is another issue for another
post), any other area that seems like an acceptable option at the time,
probably isn’t. You don’t have the coordination needed to master peeing in
a bottle or a shrub, no matter how good you think you can do this without
exposing your bush or peeing on yourself. Always be aware of where the
closest and most convenient bathroom of your own gender is located. (There
may be some instances where a sink may be used as a toilet, but these
circumstances are very rare, so use your best judgement.)

8 Essential Tips On How To Be A Classy Drunk

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